Harry the Drag Queen
by darkgreenqueen
Summary: Harry would do anything to be a woman, and with a little help from aunt Petunia's make-up bag, he is half way there. But will he have the confidence to reveal his secret? Will people ever learn to call him Harriet?
1. A new identity

Harry forced himself to look into the mirror. He stared at himself,  
completely dissatisfied with what he saw. He just didn't feel right, it  
wasn't Harry staring back at him. A tear trickled slowly down his acne-  
ridden cheek. He opened the bathroom cupboard and ruffled around for his  
box of anti-depressants but he couldn't find them.  
"No! Where are they!" Desperation was in his eyes.  
He withdrew his hand to find something red and sticky all over it. What  
was it? Blood? Surely not. He looked into the cupboard curiously and saw a  
tube of lipstick lying lidless on its side. He took it out and gazed at it  
dreamily. He had always wanted to try it, see what it would look like... 'Go  
on,' a Gollum-like voice told him, 'no one's here...you might as well.' He  
went over to the sink and looked at himself guiltily.  
"Should I?" He asked himself. Before his conscience could answer him, he  
was already smothering his lips in cherry red. Before him, he saw what he  
wanted to see...it was him... this was the real Harry Potter. Aunt Petunia's  
make-up bag lay on the corner of the sink. His hands wrestled it open and  
he snatched out all that he could find: gold eyeshadow, eyeliner, lip-  
gloss, lip liner, blusher, and mascara. His heart beat faster, adrenaline  
pumped through his veins! It was the biggest thrill of his life. He stood  
there goggling at his reflection. He winked, and the face of his dreams  
winked back.  
"Harry? Where are you?" Came Petunia's shrill voice.  
Harry took a deep breath and decided it was time to make himself known to  
the world.  
"From now on," Said Harry, "I'm going to be called Harriet." 


	2. Coming Out

Harriet took in a deep breath and prepared himself...  
"Come on Harriet," he told himself, "be cool, be cool..." He opened the  
bathroom door cautiously and before he knew what he was doing fell flat  
onto his stomach. He wasn't wearing his glasses, but he didn't care. He  
pulled himself with a high-pitched yell of pain, and made his way down the  
stairs. When he had reached the kitchen where the Dursley's were all  
assembled he gave them a warning before he entered.  
"OK, I look a bit different now, and before you say anything I just want  
you to understand that this is the real me, I want to be this way." They  
all turned around in bewilderment and then...  
"AHHHHHRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Petunia squealed, "what on earth  
will the neighbours say?!!!!!" Dudley was in hysterics and was laughing so  
hard that spaghetti was streaming out through his nostrils. Uncle Vernon,  
however was more purple than he had ever seen him before.  
"YOU...YOU..." He couldn't find the words to express it, "HOW...HOW...DARE YOU! IS  
THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE!? DO YOU REALLY THINK ANYONE COULD ACCEPT YOU THIS  
WAY YOU...YOU...FREAK OF NATURE!?"  
Harriet stood there, staring at them in disbelief. How could anyone be so  
cruel? Sure, it was the Dursleys, but he would have expected them to just  
ignore him as usual, and not care.  
"I'm leaving!" Said Harriet through gasps of tears.  
  
Three days later, after spending a few nights in 'The Leaky Cauldron,'  
Harriet got ready for a new day. After with-drawing a lot of money from  
Gringots' bank, he was now equipped with all the female necessities: a  
Chanel make-up set, a set of female robes from Madam Malkin, a pink and  
orange flowery dress, a pair of red stilettos, 'sexy pink' nail polish and  
a prada handbag which was just the right size to store all of his makeup.  
Harriet felt that he could never be happier. He was all set to meet Ron and  
Hermione that day outside Gringots' and was very anxious about what they  
might think about his new look.  
-Hmmm I wonder what Hermione and Ron will think??????? 


	3. Telling Hermione

Harriet made his way cautiously down the stairs of The Leaky Cauldron  
careful not to trip over his 6-inch stilettos. He now had contact lenses,  
which were electric blue. Tom, the innkeeper, who had only just learnt to  
control his laughter after 'Harriet' had given him a very offended stare,  
passed him on the stairs, and decided not to say anything in case he might  
start laughing again.  
'What was up with that lad? He had always been a very solemn quiet little  
thing...I would never have expected this...' He muttered to himself.  
As Harriet passed all the early drinkers at the bar they all roared with  
laughter.  
"Alright there miss?" Said a voice in the corner, after Harriet had just  
tripped over his stilettos.  
"I'm fine...thank you." Said Harriet through gritted teeth.  
Harriet left the pub, and, once outside, straightened his dress.  
"I wonder what Ron and Hermione will think..." Said Harriet, extremely  
worried. Harriet made his way to Gringots' bank, and saw Hermione waiting  
outside.  
"Erm...Hermione?"  
"What?" She said turning around, and then, just about recognising who it  
was she said, "OOOH!!!!" She jumped back, her handbag falling to the  
ground. "Harry???!!" He had never seen her this shocked since the second  
year when she had seen the basilisk. Her mouth was wide open, her bunny-  
like teeth taking command of her whole face.  
"How did I know you would react this way?..." Sighed Harriet, turning his  
head away in exasperation.  
"But...but...Harry...you...you're not serious are you?"  
"Do you really think I'm not? God this is so typical! There is nothing  
wrong with me!!!! I want to be this way!!!" Harriet screamed. Around them  
several goblins and passersby were giggling to themselves. Realising this,  
Harriet decided he had had enough.  
"Alright, show's over!" He bellowed, and strode off down the alleyway.  
"Harry...wait!" Hermione was running after him.  
"It's Harriet actually." He said bitterly.  
"Look...if you're serious and everything- which I am inclined to believe-  
then well...you might as well do it properly..." He looked at her for a moment,  
and was reassured by her sincere look. He smiled with relief.  
"You know..." Said Harriet, deciding to break the ice, "I've always wanted to  
know how to apply mascara...and well, as you can see, I- I haven't had much  
success."  
"Of course I'll show you Har-" she stopped for a moment realising her  
mistake, "Harriet."  
"Oh, how about Ron?"  
"He can't make it, Errol had a little er...accident on his school books..."  
They laughed together, and arm in arm, they set off down the alley to go  
and have the biggest shop of their lifetime. 


	4. Ridicule

After an amazingly long shopping trip, Hermione and her newfound 'female'  
shopping buddy, who she had waited and prayed for for such a long time  
after coping with two lazy useless males for five years, slumped down onto  
the pavement with all the weight that they were carrying.  
"Wow," said Harriet, "I've never done that before..."  
"Being a girl is just the best thing ever Harriet (apart from that time of  
the month- and child birth) but...you won't have to worry about that I  
guess."  
"Yeah..." Harriet suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable, and for the first  
time throughout the whole shopping trip he suddenly became very conscious  
about all the inquiring faces around him. Was he completely stupid? This  
change had come over him so quickly he hardly knew what was happening... But  
it couldn't be. He refused to believe it. He had had spells cast on him  
before but none of them had made him this keen about something. He just was  
a normal person who enjoyed wearing these clothes, and well, he just didn't  
feel comfortable as a male- it was perfectly normal- wasn't it? Some people  
were just like that and he was one of them.  
Just then, a prominent patch of orange shone through the crowd.  
"Ron!" Cried Hermione. Ron turned towards her but still hadn't caught sight  
of Harriet.  
"Hey, where's Harry? Couldn't he make it?"  
"Th-th-that's Harry Ron." She turned towards Harriet, who looked as though  
he would do anything to sink further and further into the ground. Ron's  
reaction, though a little belated as he failed at first to make the  
connection, was the complete opposite to Hermione's. As soon as he  
recognised that it was Harry he laughed so hard and uncontrollably that all  
of Harriet's onlookers had turned their attention towards him.  
"Great joke mate!" He said, whiping his eyes, "a little weird for you, but  
hilarious all the same." Harriet, who was too embarrassed to admit that it  
wasn't a joke, braced himself and said: "Glad you found it funny," and  
attempted a very forced laugh which Ron took to be genuine. Hermione  
decided that it would be wrong for her to intervene, and made up her mind  
to leave it up to Harriet to tell him in his own time.  
"I better go and change and get my stuff then." Said Harriet, and walked  
dejectedly up to the Leaky Cauldron. Hermione looked after him pitifully,  
while Ron, who was still reveling in the thought of Harry as a drag queen  
laughed himself sick. 


	5. Platform 9 and 3 Quarters

Harry (who had now been forced to abandon his new name after seeing Ron's  
reaction) got ready to run through the barrier leading to platform 9 and ¾.  
His acne now looked worse than ever, his dandruff even flakier, and his  
glasses now about two times thicker than what they had been. On top of  
this, Hedwig had been sick all over his clothes. He couldn't have looked  
more ugly and miserable. Hermione, who was keeping a safe distance from the  
sick smell, was walking about three meters behind him, which added to his  
feeling of dejection.  
Ron was running late after having to wait about two hours for Ginny, who  
had had some trouble with some magical hair-dye which was meant to be  
blonde, but was in fact making her hair all the colours of the rainbow. She  
had decided that being blonde might get her more attention- especially from  
Harry. She had noticed how much every one had admired Fleur Delacour and  
was now trying everything to look like her. Mrs. Weasley had been  
absolutely furious and had spent the whole morning trying to find an undo  
charm- but unfortunately nothing had worked.  
Just as Harry was about to run straight through the wall onto the platform  
(although not too fast because of Hedwig's stomach problems,) Ron ran  
towards him.  
"Sorry I'm late mate," then, on seeing Harry's acne-ridden face he couldn't  
help but say: "Aw!" But seeing Harry's reaction he said:  
"Well...it's not THAT bad I guess..."  
"Ron, honestly you are so tactless!" Said Hermione. But Ron didn't pay  
attention. Instead, he was eyeing the sick on Harry's robes.  
"Gross!"  
"Isn't it!" Came a slimy voice behind them, which could only be Malfoy.  
"Piss off Malfoy." Said Harry sharply.  
"Keep your glasses on! As if I would want to hang around you guys anyway."  
"Well why do you hang around us then?" Hermione asked. She was perfectly  
serious. Wherever she went, Malfoy was always there too. It was as if he  
was stalking her. Malfoy gave Hermione what he thought was a 'sexy grimace'  
but she just found him even more unattractive than ever. Just as Malfoy  
left, Mrs. Weasley came over with a compact bottle of 'Mrs. Meddles all-  
purpose mess-remover.' She tackled the sick on Harry's robes and then said  
goodbye to everyone and left- but not without licking her finger and  
smoothing Ron's unbrushed hair. 


	6. Spotty Potty

The first week of Hogwarts had been absolute chaos. Harry had been set so  
much work that he hadn't had time to think about his appearance. Sure-  
every time he walked around the school he would be eyed curiously and in  
some cases even avoided as if he was suffering from leprosy. Every time he  
walked down a corridor he would be sure to hear someone say 'Spotty Potty!'  
Which had been started by Peeves. His acne was now so bad that his face was  
now completely red and raw, and the stress didn't help it either. It was  
only now that he was able to come to terms with it- he was a spotty-faced  
loser, and that was that.  
But as the term progressed, he suddenly became very aware of all the  
couples that seemed to infest every single corridor, classroom and hallway.  
Cho Chang, his only ever girlfriend was now in a steady relationship with  
the captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team, Randall Reagan. Every time he  
saw them he would think sorrowfully about what he could have had...what he  
wanted more than anything else in the world. Sure- he didn't particularly  
like Cho's uptight personality, but he needed some kind of security-  
something to make him wanted, even something to prove that he actually  
existed in this godforsaken world. She didn't even look at him now, as if  
she was thoroughly ashamed of ever paying him the slightest bit of  
attention.  
Even Ron had a girlfriend, and Hermione...well, she had a very committed  
relationship with her books.  
It was one very dismal afternoon when Harry sat in the library pouring over  
books about acne cures. He had recently taken to sitting in the library  
solely to get a break from all the 'Spotty Potty' remarks which, if  
mentioned in the library, would cost someone a detention if noticed by the  
eagle-eyed Madam Pince. To his dismay all of the 'acne cures' contained  
ancient remedies from as far back as 25 BC such as: 'mix up a pint of  
liquefied horse manure with a hint of daisy extract (can be obtained from  
local wise-woman) and mix with a wooden ladle. Leave for two days and then  
lather onto face with some holy water. You must leave this on for a  
fortnight and 2 days for best results.' Harry threw down the book, and felt  
utterly hopeless. If this was the best it was going to get then he might as  
well die here. He told himself that if the next book he tried did not have  
anything relevant then he would kill himself. As it happened, the next book  
he picked up did have something relevant...something that would change his  
life forever. But deffinately not in the way he thought... 


	7. The Potion

From the day in the library onwards, Harry became very secretive and detached from his friends. Ron had become completely engrossed in his new 'girlfriend'- which he was persuaded to think just because she consented to have him carry truckloads of her books around the school for her. Hermione was literally married to her books, and had even conducted a small ceremony in which she made an oath to devote herself completely to them. And so, as a result, Hermione and Ron didn't notice that Harry had spent a lot of his time elsewhere.

Harry stirred the contents of his cauldron. It was very strenuous work, and perspiration drenched his robes.

"Almost done," he kept saying to himself. He looked briefly at a rather battered library book. He added a spatula of dragon dung and stirred some more.

"Yep, that should be it."

Moaning Murtle was looking at him admiringly from the top of a broken sink, swinging her ghost-like spindly legs, which she thought was irresistibly seductive.

Then, there was a large crackling noise and the mixture turned orange.

"It's done!" This was the moment he had dreamed of for weeks. It had taken him so long to get this far...

He took out a tube, dipped it in the mixture until it was three-quarters full and downed it. It tasted like a mixture of earwax and frogspawn. While he drank it he built up a picture in his head about what he would most like to look. No spots...no dandruff...no-

What was he thinking! NOOOOOOO!!!! Suddenly he began to feel excruciating pain all over his body. His whole body seemed to be shrinking and then blowing up again. He heard Murtle scream as she whizzed above his head...

After about 5 seconds the pain stopped. He looked into the mirror, and to his disbelief, a different face stared back at him. He blinked, convinced that he was having some kind of wayward hallucination about Harriet again. He ran his fingers over his body to make sure and when he reached his chest he felt something that he knew shouldn't have been there...

"Oh Merlin!" His fingers travelled unconsciously downwards and then he got the shock of his life. Although there had never been much to feel anyway, he was positive that something was missing. "Oh Merlin Merlin Merlin!!!!!!!!" Then with a horrible realisation, the words he had read in the book came back to him. 'The drinker of the potion, after swallowing about three quarters of one test tube, must then visualize their ideal image.' He had only intended to visualise himself without spots and dandruff and beautiful sleek hair- not as a woman!!! But if he had automatically visualised himself as a woman, was this what he really wanted?


End file.
